By: Adrianna Cervantes
We asked Adrianna Cervantes, Shepherd Church worship leader and Shepherd Youth coordinator, some questions on singleness and this is what she said! You can also find a piece she wrote on Singleness at the bottom of the page.
When is God going to bring a good spouse to my life? I keep meeting the wrong ones.
I have no idea! I have no idea when God is going to do that for me HA but here’s what I do know. I know that God is intentional. He doesn’t just happen upon seasons. He is a planner. It’s his nature. In Jeremiah 29:11 God says11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Plans. I love that. We serve a God that has plans of hope and a future for us. I know it’s easy to get caught up in the timing of it all when we are waiting for something we really want in our lives. I get there too sometimes but if God is intentional with me about this season, which he is, then I want to be too. As far as meeting the wrong ones goes. I’d say take a look at your circle of friends. Something we tell our students a lot is show me your friends and I’ll show you your future. That doesn’t change when we get older. Start spending time with quality people who love Jesus and want to serve him with their life because you attract what you are.
-What to do if you’re not happy in your singleness?
I first want to say it’s okay to be there and that I don’t think it’s necessarily sin to be unhappy in a season that you’re in. Those are feelings, right? We can’t control them but we can control our actions and how much power we give them. Your feelings are valid. You want to be in a relationship with someone and that isn’t wrong BUT there is so much God has right before you. Sometimes we miss out on the goodness God has for us in this season because we’re too busy wishing to be in a season we aren’t in yet. Bring those feelings to God. Let his spirit and word minister to you. Let him heal that gap AND let him be enough for you in your singleness. Sometimes our unhappiness in singleness is because we think we will be complete when we have someone or suddenly the 2.0 version of ourselves. NO to all of those things okay! You are already complete in Jesus Christ. No person can make you more than the One who made you. Finding our purpose and happiness in God now is what I think will help with those feelings.
-How to trust God and overcome doubt or insecurity in your singleness?
First of all, I think we’ve all been there. So, you aren’t alone. I would say remembering that your identity is secure as a child of God is the most important thing you can do while being single. Your relationship status does not define you or your worth. There’s nothing wrong with being single, in fact, I think you have much more freedom of time and focus to be even more influential for the kingdom of God while being single. Our confidence comes of Jesus Christ and his affirmation and spoken purpose over our lives. So, grow in that by taking advantage of this time with God. Dive into his word even more, be filled up by the Spirit of God at all times so that when you meet this person you aren’t finding your confidence or assurance in them cuz yours is already set in Christ.
-How can I be proactive in my singleness and preparation for marriage?
I think the fact that you’re already asking this question is proactive. Do more of this but with people in your life. Yes, read books yea... Books are great! I’m a book lover. But more than that, find Godly couples you admire and spend time with them. Take them to coffee, do life with them, ask them questions. Surrounding yourself with Godly examples of what you want in your own life helps you know what to look for and how to be when you get there. And lastly, let God be your first love. Let him be the absolute number one place in your life NOW so when you enter into relationship that place is already taken, the throne of your heart is occupied by the right person: Jesus.
-What are qualities to look for in a spouse?
I think these vary for everyone depending on who you are but generally someone who reflects your own values. I’d say someone who looks like Jesus. When I think of Jesus I think of faithfulness. Jesus is so faithful to us. 2 Timothy 2:13 says13 if we are faithless, he remains faithful, for he cannot disown himself. He is faithfulness. When the high fades in your relationship, you are going to be left with a beautiful covenant commitment you made to each other and God that requires faithfulness. Look for someone who exhibits that in their own lives. Are they faithful to God now? Do they practice this faithfulness with God in their lives now with what he’s entrusted them with?
-How do I keep my standards while also knowing that other people are human and make mistakes?
I absolutely love this question! Standards are so important but realizing that the person you will be dating will also be a human is ALSO so important. Ephesians 4:2 tells us to bear with one another in love. Humans aren’t perfect. They are fallible and mess up sometimes. So, grace will be required for BOTH parties. Going into it looking for perfection will only lead to disappointment. However, there’s a difference between an occasional mistake and a character issue. I know when we date we show the best version of ourselves but (as we say in our young adult ministry) character leaks. James 1:5 tells us that if we lack wisdom just pray to God for it and he will give it to you generously! Pray to God for the wisdom between the important immovable standards you have and preferences and red flags.
By Adrianna Cervantes
In my own life and working with young people, I hear a lot about “singleness”. There are so many narratives out there about this time in our lives and many are toxic but here’s what I know to be true.
There is so much more that God has in store for us during this time than just being single. I like to think of it as: the season of “setting”.
These times when you’re alone God is doing a lot of “setting”. He’s setting a table before you so you may feast with Him. Intimacy and satisfaction. In their fullest, both can only truly be found in God.
He’s setting your eyes on His prize. Sitting right across from Him at the table, you know what you are looking at? His face. You know what you hear? His desires, what breaks His heart. You know what you see? His provision, His plans. He’s setting your heart on His kingdom not on man-made ideals.
He’s setting aside distractions and idols you’ve made to take His place. Because when it’s just you and Him, together at last, you see that everything you have been desperately waiting for falls incredibly short of the aroma of His presence.
He’s setting you apart for Himself. “Come and dine with Me”, He says. “Beloved bride, you are Mine. Have you forgotten your First Love?” Well...have you? Have you forgotten that every need could be met by His perfect waiting love at the feasting table? Have you forgotten that it’s been set since the beginning of time for you and Him to commune together? Have you forgotten? Are we still settling for cheap imitations and flattering distractions, shallow siren songs of affection instead of holy covenants of love and devotion? It’s almost as if I can hear the Father saying, “You’re invited, beloved. The food is warm. Your place is ready. Will you not come to dine with Me?”